The Wedding Planning Diaries
Confessions of a potential bridezillaChange of direction
My florist went out of business, left town, and told none of her clients. BOOO. How unprofessional can you be? And the way I found out was a failed e-mail, a generic answering machine, and then finally a trip to the florist’s shop, which ended with me walking across the stree to a coffee shop to ask whether the florist had closed. And I have no way of getting my (thankfully, small) deposit refunded to me. A word of advice to all: pay for all deposits by credit card so that you can get them charged back in case of the above situation!
Actually, it ended up being for the best. I found a couple of ladies who work out of their homes and have their own floral business–and they are so much more affordable! Granted, I felt a little uneasy at first since they work out of their homes (as opposed to a shop, or something else that on first glance appears to me to be more “established”). But then I realized, they can’t just pick up and leave town. So I felt better. Plus, I’m getting way more flowers that I wanted for much less money. I think I’m actually under budget on flowers, even including the lost security deposit. Beat that!
Also, I’m considering changing our wedding a little. Jim is about to commission, and as the army will be making a lot of our major decisions for us within the first years of marriage (where we live, how long we live there, when Jim is deployed, who we will socialize with, etc, etc, etc…) I am beginning to reconsider the idea of a military wedding. I had briefly thought about it a while back, but the perfectionist in me could not accept the idea that some of the groomsmen would be in dress blues while the others would be in tuxes. However, having gotten over that minor (asthetic) hurdle, I think it would make our wedding special and unique to us (as well as every other military couple).
The one thing is that just need to figure out all the protocol, because I’m still pretty new to all the military stuff. I seriously don’t understand half the words Jim and his cadet friends are using most of the time. Usually because they are not really words–just a long string of abbreviations and lingo that mean nothing to the civilian world in which I currently live. 
The invitation experience…
Invitations are much more difficult than I thought they would be.
I deceived myself by looking at magazines for what I want–because everything in there would have cost me upwards of $1000 for the small wedding we’re having. Letterpress = $$$. And many of the cheaper more affordable invitations were not…classy. I tried printing some off of Jim’s printer. No dice.
I found three places that are amazing: www.weddingpaperdivas.com, www.mygatsby.com, and www.invitedesigner.com. If you want to fully customize your wedding invitations, I would suggest the latter two, but Wedding Paper Divas has beautiful invitations! And you can usually find coupon codes online.
I went with MyGatsby in the end. A word to the wise: check all the details of your order several times! I accidentally ordered my invitations in classic white and all the enclosures in classic ecru. Thankfully, they are reprinting my invitations on ecru for 50% of the price, even though it was really my fault.
4 months to go!
Doing my homework
I am the Energizer Bunny of wedding planning and appointments. I can make multiple appointments each week, listening to person after person explain in detail the photography or cake baking or catering services they provide, rattling off my own questions and recording the answers, all the while making notes in my head when my pen and paper do not keep up. And I have come to a conclusion.
It would be pretty easy to be suckered in the wedding industry.
OK, yes that sounds cynical. So at risk of sounding like the Debbie-Downer wedding columnist in 27 Dresses, let me explain. For the bride-to-be, wedding planning is generally a new game. Many have never planned a wedding (theirs or someone else’s) before, and even if they have it is not like they are experts. There is a vast difference between an all-things-included reception venue and a city park where you will have to separately hire a caterer and rental furniture as well as consider the possibility of rain on your wedding day (Thank you, Alanis. I blame your song.). You could easily think you are saving money on a place where the rental fee is low, and wind up paying thousands more. Or, your photographer may have had low prices but not allow you to print your own photos. Or the DJ may show up with a disco ball and have a whole light show planned out. Yikes!
So what’s a poor bride to do?
The answer: R-E-S-E-A-R-C-H. (Please read that with some sort of tune in your voice. Apparently it’s popular to spell things in songs now.)
I cannot stress what a difference it has made to me to look at what should be included in contracts with reception halls, photographers, music providers, etc ahead of time. It is stuff I would never have thought of beforehand. Do this BEFORE going to interview anyone. Make a list of questions to ask, and bring it with you. And then take notes furiously during your appointment!
Also do your research by comparing vendors to each other. What are the average prices in your area for photography? Are you paying extra because your DJ has made a name for himself and is in high demand or because they play for an additional hour?
I have had a virtually stress-free wedding planning process so far. And I’ve already bought my dress and accessories, booked a reception hall, and a photographer. I’m halfway to booking a church for the ceremony, a bakery for the cake, and music for the reception. I am visiting my first florist/decor provider tomorrow. So far, the bridezilla that may be lurking beneath the surface has not been disturbed, and most of it is from doing my homework.
Not sure where to start? My favorite place is The Knot. My second favorite is Martha Stewart Weddings. Look up what you need to know ahead of time and save yourself the headache.
Jim
Before I keep going, I should probably take a step back and really introduce Jim and myself as a couple…
He is actually the first “boyfriend” I ever had. It’s kind of a funny story. My roommates had dubbed me “the ice queen” when it came to any potential romantic interest. For a while, I was very skeptical of Jim–I met him while on a trip with Campus Crusade for Christ, and I did not know anyone else who was friends with him. He really just appeared from out of the woodwork. We started going to lunch, and pretty much I would grill him each time. Unfair, I know. But he was really patient through the whole, um, verbal gauntlet. ”Who is this person?” I would ask myself. And him. I would mostly ask him that.
I kept asking questions and answering questions he would ask. I watched him interact with other people. I noted his honesty about his own failings while still being someone with a great deal of character. I watched how well he treated other women–not for the chance of dating them, just because they were people whose lives he genuinely cared about and respected. I watched his friendships with guys and saw that he was consistent and secure–not one who had to one-up the next person or always win, but still someone who other men respected. After a while I could no longer deny what a wonderful person he is. And we could finally move forward.
He is not perfect. But he is perfect for me in every way. He loves Christ, he loves his family, he loves his country, and he loves me. He is serious and ridiculously silly. He leads, but admits his own faults and accepts correction. He cares about my feelings even when they don’t make sense to either of us. I can be as weird as I’d like to be around him and know that he will match my weirdness. Or at least be amused by it. And to top it all off, he’s handsome and sweet, and his smile makes me feel like the room just got brighter.
And that is Jim, the man with whom I will spend the rest of my life and raise kids and pay bills and change location and do laundry, God willing.
More powerful than Facebook…
I have to say, wedding planning has been a procrastination force more compelling and powerful than Facebook or anything else. I even procrastinate sleeping…That’s no good. But really, it’s just addicting. I get to choose colors, cake, a reception venue, decor, cake, a church, cake, guests…
I guess I’m getting started a little late in writing this–mostly because the moment I was officially engaged (and even–I am embarrassed to admit this–for a little while before) I’ve been spending a lot of time picking out the who, where, and when of Jim’s and my wedding. I figure that once I start full time work, I won’t be able to spend nearly as much time visiting/calling/emailing/stalking in general numerous vendors in our area. So the first few entries in my blog will be more of a recap of my adventures so far… so let’s start with task #1…
The Guest List. The first thing to do…because it pretty much defines everything else. The more guests you have, the more difficult it will be to stay within budget, the larger the venue you have to reserve, the more seating arrangements YOU have to make…yes, you. Friends and family = more planning effort from you. They also = more presents. So I think it evens out But seriously, choosing who we want to celebrate this day with us is the most important thing to do first.
My family is relatively small, and not extremely close. The ones I will invite, I am not sure will even be able to make it here (they would have to fly here. And we all know the woes of flying…I got stuck in an airport in Colorado and completely missed my friend’s wedding last year due to delays). Jim, on the other hand, has a plethora of relatives, most of whom live within driving distance. So. Since our wedding will be on the smaller end (120-130 guests), the friends we will be inviting are only those who are closest to us and who actually have taken part in our relationship. Personally, I would prefer it to be that way.
I made a spreadsheet with everyone’s names on it. I made an “A” list and a “B” list. I guessed who would probably attend and who would not. I added. I subtracted. I decided Excel is my best friend. And it was pretty easy to get a rough 130 people to invite first before adding others onto the list…I’m assuming it will change since we have a year till we get married. But it’s a good start.
Lessons learned: 1. Do not do anything until you make the guest list. 2. Do not guess how many people you can invite until you have listed out the names of the people you want to invite. 3. Don’t forget that your fiance wants to invite people, too. It is his day as well as yours. (This is a good thing to remember throughout the rest of planning…)
Hello world!
I think it’s cute that the first post on this site is titled “Hello, world!” so I guess I’ll just leave it. My name is Katherine and these are the things I am learning as I plan my upcoming wedding…
